It’s very easy to judge another. Everyone does it.
On Friday, we went to grab a bite at Wendy’s. Ahead of us, there was an impatient woman, waiting to be served while a confused, older gentleman was trying to order a Papa burger. A&W is across the street.
They were opening another cash register while the woman angrily barked at the man that A&W is across the street and that this is Wendy’s. Continue reading
I was given some feedback about my participation in a closed Facebook group that felt somewhat harsh at first. Now, I want to point out that I deeply respect and admire the person who was telling me this. If it had been someone who I didn’t respect, I might not have taken any notice of his comment. But when he brought it up, I felt guilty wondering if I had done something wrong. (Probably because he was so apologetic for bringing it usimple feedback can be a trigger that causes you to become defensive.”p when he told me, which made it sound worse than it was.)
What is funny is that it was such a small thing, and he just wanted to nip it in the bud. I’ll tell you the story below.
This article was also published on Huffington Post.
So you’re sitting in a meeting when your boss starts telling you off. In front of everyone, he is clearly angry that you dropped the ball on a file. He complains that the company will probably lose this client. You’re caught off guard because, you’re pretty sure the criticism is unfounded. In fact, although you never divulged it to him, the contact at the client’s is your cousin.
Being criticized is hard enough to stay calm, cool and collected. But in front of our colleagues, and when we are “sure” it’s groundless, we absolutely have to contain our baser instincts. Continue reading
This article was also published by Huffington Post under a different title.
Wouldn’t it be great if when people were wrong, they could just ‘fess up, apologize and take different actions to moving forward? Just imagine the increased opportunities of positive and productive workplaces. Call me a dreamer!
Unfortunately, egos get in the way and fear stops us from acting on our healthier options. Continue reading
This article was also posted on Huffington Post
“I won’t work for someone who is not honest.” Jack said. “I have to trust them or I won’t give them my best. After all, I am always honest and they can take my word to the bank!”
How noble to be truthful. That being said, how it is managed and expressed can be problematic.
In this recent conversation, Jack is telling me how unlucky he’s been, working for all these dishonest companies, he’s thinking of leaving his current employer. He is complaining to me how people should appreciate his deep integrity. Continue reading
Published in Huffington Post.
This week, I was speaking to someone who had seen me speak on conflict styles and called saying she needed my services. Let’s call her Alice. She was telling me about (let’s call her) Cindy, whom she managed and was causing a lot of problems in the organization. Coaching someone like Cindy, who seems convinced that everyone around her is the enemy, is a very difficult thing to do. Here’s what happened in one of the incidences that Alice related to me. Continue reading
(Published on Huffington Post)
A good friend speaks about a boss at work, starting his stories with “you’re not going to believe what Paul did, but… “
His boss’ narcissistic ways are legendary. Recently, Paul was explaining to his executive assistant that when people are intellectually inferior and you really want to help them, you hire them as your executive assistant. This was one of his kinder moments. HR has had to do several interventions, but this guy obviously knows some people. Continue reading
(Published on Huffington Post) Have you ever been around someone who has difficulty letting go of old events or who dramatically points out everything that can go wrong? Yeah, me too! We might think they sound angry, impatient or insecure.
When this person is someone we have to be in close proximity with for long periods of time, this negativity can distract us and affect our ability to think clearly, make solid decisions or feel productive.
Even our personal well-being can be compromised if the exposure is too frequent or long. Their negativity affects us just like someone smoking beside us will affect our lungs. Continue reading
This article was published on Huffington Post.
Larry was a bully boss. With only 3 employees in this office, he had burned through two secretaries and one office manager in one year. During our interview, he told me he came from a passionate culture and that his previous employees just didn’t “get him”.
Lucie, who was leaving, described his temper tantrums. Dramatic, impatient and erratic are not so much cultural traits as symptoms of a personality disorder. I was a single mom, running out of savings and employment insurance. Desperate for a job, I accepted. I was determined not to let my anxiety around further unemployment take over. Continue reading
Are you genuinely open-minded towards people who think differently than you do?
Generally, one of two things happens. Sometimes you may discover facts you were unaware of and alter your convictions into a more productive direction. Other times, by taking the time to see beyond their stubbornness, anger or fear, it is possible to make a connection and help the other person grow beyond a limiting belief.
Those were usually my experiences. This past week sharply reminded me of an alternative reality. Continue reading