While networking, I asked an HR professional of a mid-sized company (150 employees) when would she hire a communications expert like me to come and train her employees. She told me she never has because there’s no budget. Then she added that all training budgets were for technical training and only the C-suite folks do retreats, team building and leadership development.
Oh?!?
When things go a little awry, we try and figure out what is wrong with the other person. I mean, it’s always about the other person, right?
To help you overcome conflict or misunderstandings, I did up this video (I know it’s a little longer) to give you an overview of the the wonderful world of personality styles through the prism of the DISC Personality Profiles.
Of course, I’d love to talk to you about how this can help your own organization, so reach out and let’s see if this tool is a fit.
What would change if you could predict another person’s behavior? Well, you can.
Welcome. I’m Monique Caissie and I help organizations reduce conflict and create a culture of collaboration, engagement and productivity. Even with the people who drive you crazy.
Okay, so we can all agree that people are different.
Mathematically, that means that 60% of the time, we might get confused or even irritated by another person’s behaviors.
The secret is to understand more fully where WE are coming from and where the other person’s priorities are. When we get that, it’s like a superpower to better relationships.
Studying and understanding human behavior is not a new thing. The genesis of human behavior models started in 444 BC when personality styles were based on fire, air, water and earth. Do you recognize that from somewhere? Yup, that’s astrology and it’s still being used today.
In the 1920’s Carl Jung came along with the Myers-Briggs personality styles. His four styles were thinking, feeling, sensation and intuition. That more modern approach started taking us to a more developed understanding.
Then William Moulton Marston published the book “Emotions of Normal People” developing what we know and use today as the DISC personality system.
And it was in 1940 that Walter Clark took Moulton Marston’s theory to develop the first DISC personality profile assessment that demystified these different personalities.
That is the same profile that is being used today for better quality relationships.
So what are the basic DISC personality styles?
D stands for dominant or directive;
I stands for influential or inspiring;
S stands for supportive or steady and;
C stands for cautious or compliant.
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Generally speaking, every person has a more natural inclination towards one of these. And that includes you.
So DISC becomes your decoder ring when stress hits and misunderstandings or disagreements escalate.
Basically, if I could explain to you why your boss or colleague or subordinate behaves a certain way, and how they prefer to be approached, what might happen to the quality of your exchanges?
How do you behave when you are being spoken to in a way that feels respectful to your needs? It’s the same for them.
Communication skills, or let’s call them essential skills, improve dramatically when we just “get each other”.
That’s what DISC offers to leaders and organizations. Because when you understand DISC and start approaching people based on their underlying priorities as opposed to only yours, everything changes – for the better.
Let’s take a simple example to show you how you might recognize these 4 styles.
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Imagine 4 people deciding what movie they would like to see.
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Now if a person is a high “D”, they’re wearing green
because they like to go go go. They’ll immediately say no or they will want to take charge, regardless of what other people are saying because “D’s” are very directive and like to be in control.
Don’t ever worry about not knowing what they want. You will never have to guess. And highly important to them is to make a decision quickly. These long drawn out negotiating and too many details drives them nuts.
And don’t sit next to them if you like to make comments during the movie. They may get impatient with you and you may not enjoy how will they tell you to stop talking because watching the movie is more important than engaging with you. They are very task oriented.
Basically, D’s need to “Get it done”
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Now with the high “I” style, they’re wearing red
because they want you to stop and notice them. They hate feeling invisible and love entertaining and engaging.
They are all about fun and can be quite talkative. When they suggest a movie, they may excitedly tell you all the reasons that’s the movie that should be picked.
They might tell you details you might not want to hear ahead of time. To be blunt, they can get a little overexcited.
And let’s say they know someone who’s an extra in the movie or saw one of the actors in a restaurant, be prepared to hear the whole story because they love to entertain with stories.
Regardless of which movie you see, they will enjoy it. Just being with people who care about them and who pay attention to them gives them energy. They’ll want to extend the evening beyond the movie.
I’s feel happiest when they feel they belong because they need to “Get acknowledged”
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The high “S” style is wearing a calming blue color.
They are the ones who buy birthday cards for everyone to sign at the office. They bring cookies. It can be said, and it has often been said, S’s are the nicest people in the bunch.
This is the person who is always looking for harmony and that all the people’s needs are being taken care of. They do a lot of high fives.
They have a really hard time making decisions because they never want to disappoint anyone. So saying no is hard.
They are calm, they are supportive and they love people. They are the ultimate team player desiring a close relationship with everyone.
Because, ultimately, S’s need to “Get along”
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The high “C” is the quietest of the bunch. They wear yellow
because they are cautious before moving forward.
You might see them flipping through all the reviews on their cell phone while others are discussing which movie to see.
They collect a lot of data before making a decision. And even then, they may wonder if it was the right choice.
They love precision, so after the movie, if they’re comfortable with you, they will point out every inconsistency or flaw that they saw.
It doesn’t mean they didn’t enjoy themselves; it’s just that they love order and consistency and they need it to be right. Confusion can be painful to them.
High C’s have a high need to “Get it right”.
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So there we are. We are all a mixture of these 4 personalities
which make up our personal style that combines into 41 personality blends.
Now imagine meeting someone and within just a few minutes being able to figure out which one of these their dominant style is?
If you know your style and you understand their style and how they like to be interacted with, doesn’t it make sense that you could work more effectively with them?
And I have to be honest, if I had known this when I was a mental health counselor, I can think of several clients that I would approached completely differently.
Crisis interventionists, like most people, are not taught this. Not knowing this information slowed down the process of me being able to help them quickly, because I approached them with my style, not knowing how to take their style into account.
So, if we are looking for better outcomes, knowing the personality style of the person we are engaging with gets to that positive outcome way faster.
Too often, we’d rather blame the other person, but they’re just being themselves. And so are we.
Now, I’ll be making more videos about the ins and outs of DISC and I hope you will join me to learn more about this amazing and powerful tool.
If you want me to come to show you and your team how to predict other people’s behaviors, and improve your team’s outcomes, then reach out to me and let’s have a conversation.
Until next time, I’m Monique Caissie and I’m here to help you strengthen your workplace relationships.
Take care now. BYE!
When you think of someone who is driving you crazy at work, who are you thinking of and why? I’d love to hear from you. 🙂
Reach out to me at info@moniquecaissie.com
BIO: The most successful leaders are not infallible when faced with someone who “drives them crazy!” Monique’s strategies to empower people to better understanding others and have better outcomes, while having fun, are appreciated by all who meet her.
As a Speaker, Facilitator and Consultant and Coach, helping to reduce conflict and increase collaboration, Monique draws from 30 years of crisis intervention work to help others increase their confidence to feel more heard, respected and happier. She is anAccredited Trainer for DISC as a Human Behavior Consultant and a Certified NLP Professional Coach. She loves meeting people and getting to know them. So feel free to reach out. info@moniquecaissie.com
I was asking someone who had also been sold a fake bill of goods a year ago, how long it took for her to stop feeling angry. She said “I’ll let you know when I do”. It made me laugh, but I also understood.
Have you ever easily trusted someone only to realize, man oh man, you’ve been conned? Yep? Well me too. It really sucks, eh?
So here’s the background. After a car accident and a minor brain injury (all better now) the medical team insisted I get a business coach for support and guidance to re-launch myself in business after a long time away.
Well I found someone who was going to help me develop new marketing and sales processes. In fact, when I told her I was also going to redo my whole website and marketing materials she told me that was their specialty. Then she took my entire budget for my business coaching AND the website redo and offered to do both for a more “cohesive experience than working with 2 different companies”. That made sense to me.
She is probably the 7th or 8th business marketing coach I’ve worked with. I was excited. I was pumped. These are always enriching experiences. Until now.
I have never been treated more disrespectfully and arrogantly in my life. She kept talking down to me telling me I wasn’t understanding as she made changes to my business without even asking me my thoughts. She never asked what I wanted and referred to everything as “we agreed that…” She even went as far as to tell me that I was not to continue my speaking career because it wasn’t a real thing. Really?!? Well, tell that to my speaking colleagues in my Professional Speaker’s Association. Can you imagine someone dismissing your industry as “non-valid”?
In 6 weeks of coaching, this “marketing team” had gone over my elevator pitch over and over and over and over again. I kept asking for the next step. There didn’t seem to be a next step.
As for the website, after many delays on their part, I had handed all the requirements for them to design it. This woman responded by sending me an email to stop, reflect celebrate and let her know how this process and working with them has helped my business.
Clearly, I was being manipulated into writing a testimonial. I replied it was too soon to “celebrate” anything and that I was looking forward to the finished website. I had been staying calm and professional all the way through dealing with both of them.
Then she got mad Again. She told me to stop everything, focus and send an email about the benefits of working with them before they start putting the website together. Let’s just say, this was not pretty. My next email was clear that she was not to hold my website hostage to get a testimonial.
So I share with you what I did and what I learned so I could move on.
So there you have it. 3 strategies to get out of anxiety and 3 lessons to protect yourself down the road.
I’m so grateful to my former website designer who remained incredibly professional and took on the balance of the job even though she is incredibly busy. We figure they did about 75% of it, not mobile friendly, photos with water marks, full of weird sections. But she is carving out time to get it looking professional and live in 2 weeks. So grateful.
One of the pages on my soon to be launched website:
Once I started being honest about what had happened, I got so much love and support. I shouldn’t have kept it to myself for so long.
So I hope if things are rough right now, that you can also find what can be salvaged, learn to be radically accepting and move forward.
What about you? Have you been conned? What did you do to get over it? I’d love to know.
I’m going to get active here now that things are falling into place. If you have any questions about what to do with a difficult person, let me know. I’d be happy to give you my take.
Bio
Monique works with organizations who want to reduce conflict to create a culture of collaboration, engagement and productivity. The most successful leaders are not infallible when faced with someone who “drives them crazy!” Her strategies to empower people to better understand each other and have better outcomes, while having fun, are appreciated by all who meet her. She draws from 30 years of crisis intervention and mental health work, she is a Level II Accredited Trainer for DISC as a Human Behavior Consultant and a Certified NLP Professional Coach. She loves meeting people and getting to know them and their industry. So feel free to reach out.
We all want to be part of a dynamic team where everyone feels valued and feel that they can tap into their personal power. But if you are being honest with yourself, when you think of work, do you sometimes feel unheard, dismissed or even disrespected? I sure did for years and years. I second guessed myself, didn’t think I was worthy unless someone else gave me permission to speak or would validate what I had said.
While I was going around in emotional circles, I saw people around me who didn’t live in fear and anxiety like I did. It took a lot to trigger them to feel intense stress and they naturally rode the ups and downs of life with confidence. I set out to figure out what they did differently and it made all the difference to my happiness levels. Besides my personal experiences, my 30 years as a crisis interventionist gave me a close up look at the distinction between those who remained stuck in the muck of bad emotional patterns and those who came out of adversity solid on who they were and what they wanted. So, after much reflection, I thought I’d share this model I created that goes over what people do successfully to deal with others who drive them crazy. I call this my “Ladder of Personal Power”
So these are the rungs to reach the top of our Personal Power Ladder
Confidence & Respect
Emotional Mastery
Action Plans
Values Clarification
Decision
Stuck & Dissatisfied
Let me ask you this. When you’re thinking of your professional life, do you recognize where you are on this ladder?
Is it below or above the critical point?
You
know that you deserve to feel heard and respected! You also deserve to
be recognized, rewarded or promoted for your contributions.
If it’s time to teach people how to treat you with respect, then book your Discovery Call with me right now on my online scheduler and see if my Private Coaching Program is a fit for you to make your most difficult relationships more healthy and win/win.
Working with Monique as my Life Coach has been an enriching experience. She is naturally intuitive, able to tap into your innermost wants and needs, then helps guide you towards enlightenment in the direction you want your life to take. She will work tirelessly with you in clarifying and simplifying steps needed to make positive changes and achieve yours goals, lending support whenever needed.
I would highly recommend Monique to anyone needing to make changes in their lives but who are feeling overwhelmed or apprehensive.
Hélène Paquet, Artist and Entrepreneur
I started my sessions with Monique during a difficult personal and professional transition period in my life. As a result of various setbacks, my ability to take action was greatly diminished because of self-doubt and negative thoughts. I felt stuck, unable to accomplish anything.
Working with Monique, I was able to clearly lay out my goals and dreams, and easily achieve milestones. This increased my self-confidence and enabled me to face challenges and take even more actions. I can look back today, a stronger, happier person, because of the help I received during that difficult time. And I know that the skills I developed have given me the confidence to face future challenges. Thanks Monique!
Mia M., Career Counsellor
If you’re tired of trying to manage difficult people’s behaviors and are ready to feel more more heard and respected, then book your Discovery Call today and see how I can help.
I’m really excited about meeting you and seeing how I can help.
Now go make it a great day!
Monique works with organizations who want to reduce conflict to create a culture of collaboration, engagement and productivity. The most successful leaders are not infallible when faced with someone who “drives them crazy!” Her strategies to empower people to better understand each other and have better outcomes, while having fun, are appreciated by all who meet her. She draws from 30 years of crisis intervention work, she is a Level II Accredited Trainer for DISC as a Human Behavior Consultant and a Certified NLP Professional Coach. She loves meeting people and getting to know them and their industry. So feel free to reach out.
Do you know your employment value? I learned about the emotional benefit of getting an unbiased opinion when I helped someone write her CV around 30 years ago.
On International Woman’s Day, I stop and think of these many women I have met who remind me how we can transform our lives when we take a few different actions.
In my new home typing venture in 1989, my first client worked at a local bank. She was a lovely, nervous woman who wanted to know if I could provide a confidential service and help her write a new CV. (more…)
In the video below, join me while I explore how poor boundaries impact your family and your professional life.
If you’ve wondered what do do first, we will review the first steps you need to take to develop healthier dynamics in your relationships.
Five Great Reasons explored:
Monique works with organizations who want to reduce conflict to create a culture of collaboration, engagement and productivity. The most successful leaders are not infallible when faced with someone who “drives them crazy!” Her strategies to empower people to better understand each other and have better outcomes, while having fun, are appreciated by all who meet her. She draws from 30 years of crisis intervention work, she is a Level II Accredited Trainer for DISC as a Human Behavior Consultant and a Certified NLP Professional Coach. She loves meeting people and getting to know them and their industry. So feel free to reach out.
I was having a conversation with this amazing construction manager with higher than usual emotional intelligence. Since the projects he does are huge, with up to 250 people to manage, he ends up with different quirks and personalities woven into the mix.
On his current project, he talked about getting several complaints about one person who was overly aggressive. (more…)
I have a client who is dealing with a bad boss. Her boss gets hysterical over inconsequential things, doesn’t plan well or communicate with the staff and is putting the organization at risk.
Her life is spent putting out fires while his is spent lighting them.
Although she has bravely spoken up and alerted the people above him, this will take a while. (more…)
People always want to know how to have a better outcome with those horrible, difficult people in their lives.
I gave 2 keynotes on my topic of increasing collaboration within a day of each other.
After both of them, people came up to me to tell how one simple tool struck them.
I was a strong reminder of what regularly sticks is this small piece of information I share with folks: (more…)
Anger or anxiety disables our thinking brain. We need to re-calibrate what we are thinking in order to reclaim our emotional balance. That being said, when someone is putting pressure on us or elevating our blood pressure, stepping back and approaching things differently can help improve the outcome. (more…)
(Published in Huffington Post)
Years ago, as a single mom I was working very hard to reinvent myself with very few credentials to my name. My financial and emotional bank accounts were constantly being drained with demands and responsibilities. There were days where I would have preferred to stay in bed for a month, but I got out of bed, painted on a smile and picked up my boxing gloves; just like every under-employed single mom I knew.
At work, I had a colleague named Raj. He had a Master’s degree in Mathematics, came from a prominent family, and was newly engaged to a professional woman. They were living the dream and had life by the balls! (more…)
As we patiently wait for the admin assistant to call our number at the clinic, a man at the desk is asking her what’s taking so long for the doctor to see him and that he has to get back to the office. He wants to know how much longer. She abruptly says they don’t give times. He asks how many people are ahead of him. Instead of answering, the girl dismissively points to the sign next to her desk and goes in the back where the files are. The sign reads “Aggressive behaviours will not be tolerated”. (more…)