When I first heard “haters gotta hate”, I didn’t know what it meant until I changed the words to “saboteurs gotta sabotage”. Then it made sense.
When I decided to go out on my own and be an entrepreneur, the skills I needed were opposite from what my environment taught me.
After all, to attract paying clients, I have to put myself out there.
I have to tell people my stories so they can laugh at what not to do.
This is my method of teaching others what I have learned in the school of hard knocks.
This is contrary to my upbringing because standing out was openly scorned in my family.
“Be more humble.”
“Don’t be a show off.”
Growing up, I was fed a diet of constant criticism.
When I first dipped my toe into the pool of speakers, naturally, stories involve other people. Some relatives were openly critical.
Them: “Did you get this person’s written permission”.
Me: “I’m keeping them anonymous”.
Them: “Someone could hear it and think it’s about them. It might bother them. If they feel bad, that would be your fault. It’s unethical to make another feel bad.”
Let’s face it, at work, at home, some people make feeling slighted a full-time hobby. And I had been taught to feel guilty for anyone’s hurt feelings or any possible annoyance. Talk about sabotaging a person’s freedom to succeed!
So, even though I love being on a stage, it would trigger anxiety and guilt.
In fact, just asking if I can speak was ulcer inducing. Shame…Guilt…
I had to realize that my old habits of trying to blend in did not serve me or anyone else.
Letting go of old records and fears, for a recovering doormat, means constant self-reflection.
In my case, taking my power back meant:
-identifying my gifts and what gives me joy
-identifying if it is meant to hurt or help others
-and ignoring the saboteurs (who really should get a better hobby).
Here’s my message to you:
You are allowed to be!
You are allowed to think differently!
You are allowed to leave your mark on this world – scratch that, the world needs you to leave your mark on it!
What does taking your power back look like to you? What would you want to do that would make your heart sing? I’d really love to know.
Go Make It A Great Day!
Monique works with organizations or people who want to reduce conflict to create a culture of collaboration, engagement and productivity. The most successful leaders are not infallible when faced with someone who “drives them crazy!” Her strategies to empower people to better understand each other and have better outcomes, while having fun, are appreciated by all who meet her. She draws from 30 years of crisis intervention and mental health work, she is a Level II Accredited Trainer for DISC as a Human Behavior Consultant and a Certified NLP Professional Coach. She loves meeting people and getting to know them and their industry. So feel free to reach out.